So life is kind of crappy; I can deal. I can make lemonade from lemons.
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I've been doing a lot of thinking. Yeah, how many posts have I began that with, between here and livejournal?
I'm sitting here outside the business school before my class in the building next door begins. Most everyone walks in and out with someone else. I have never gone to class with someone else. It would be nice. Two girls were laughing. What did I do? I sat here thinking to myself, "I cannot remember the last time I laughed."
I'm going to continue this later. I have to go to class, and because class is in a basement, there is no internet.
So, I've been thinking. I am twenty-one-years old. I have had one really serious relationship, and it was mostly in high school, so I do not think it even counts for all that much.
There are so many people around me who have been with the same person forever and ever. People are either married, getting married, or something. I'm nearing the age where a lot of people get married these days, and I cannot even find someone who wants to have a relationship with me. It's such a scary world out there. Can you even think about someone contemplating marrying me? I cannot. I'm just afraid of being alone for the rest of my life. Everyone has that special someone out there, and in the interim, they date other people during the path to finding that special someone. But again, if no one will date me, who will sweep me off my feet and marry me?
I am still sort of dating Jason, but I have not seen him in nearly two weeks. I know he does not want a relationship with me, but some things, some things mean way too much to me. He gave me flowers for my birthday. No one has given me flowers before. Okay, I'm babbling now, but maybe someone out there can provide some answers and/or insight for me. Maybe someone out there loves me...but for now, the best I can try to do is to love myself and just be me.
Hello, my name is Ashleigh, and people make me unstable.
Okay, I've made a decision. I will only post happy, fluffy things in my livejournal, and anything depressing will go in here. I believe that is fair game.
Too bad I'm just ridiculously happy over the past few days!
Comments are back up and working.
Wow, what a weekend! Let's start with Thursday. Thursday was Jew Date. It was interesting, to say the least. I got to Hillel early, as I was supposed to, and Adam was there. That made things slightly awkward, but it kind of always does, anyway. Sometimes, he is incredibly nice and friendly, and other times, I am dirt. Anyway, Rachel says that I am not allowed to talk to him anymore, because he is too mean and stupid.
So I did not have my full ten dates, as things were awry at the end, but it was okay. I did not get all of my "requests," but that was okay as well. I dated Jeff Forman, who lives in Boca, which is near me in Florida, so that's kind of cool. But I already knew Jeff. There really was not anyone at Jew Date that I was terribly interested in, anyway. I left there at about 11:30 P.M., and I drove Rachel's friend, Heather, home. I saw Aaron G. on 24th street, and when he saw my car, he gave me a look. Get over it.
Friday morning, I left for work at 8:15 A.M. with the anticipation of snow, as it was forcasted. It was supposed to remain in the 30s all day (finally), so I brought my down coat, as I was going to be wearing a skirt, and I brought my gloves in case of a snowball fight. I worked until 4:30 and made my way over to Hillel. Rachel wasn't sure if she was going to show up, but then I saw her, and I was so happy, especially after the debacle earlier in the week. At dinner, even if I was invited, I no longer wanted to sit with Arthur, et. al. Instead, I sat with Rachel, Sarah, Eran, Yoni, Adam (I forget his last name), Sam, and a bunch of other people.
After dinner, people were going over to Sarah's house to drink and such, and since I promised to go the next time I was around, that would be this time. Besides, Yoni and I had been flirting all night, and who knew what could possibly happen? To make things shorter, Eran and I were pretty much the only sober ones. It was a really fun night, nonetheless, and digital cameras are REALLY fun. I also made flutes out of a bunch of beer bottles, and Basil Garlic Explosion dip was a real hit, and I had a foccacia in the car, anyway.
Lorna's boyfriend, Chris, bought some cheap liquor of some sorts, and we went out on the porch and watched him blow it out over a lighter, and he was then breathing fire. That was really cool, and Eran took a picture that he is going to e-mail me, as well as other pictures from the night.
I started to get tired, as I left my house at 8:15 A.M. and had not been home yet, so at I was calling it a night at 1:15 A.M., especially since we had yet to have any sort of flurry (or so I thought), so I tried to get home before it snowed (snew?). When I walked out the front door, it was coming down pretty hard. I jumped up and started screaming, "It's snowing, it's snowing!" We all went outside and were playing in the snow. I still cannot believe that Eran had never seen snow before. Yoni hit me so hard with a snowball that I couldn't move my jaw for a while. Eran and I picked up some of the for rent signs that litter most every apartment building in West Campus, and we went sledding down the hill by the tennis courts at 24th and Lamar. As I was driving down Lamar today, I realized that behind Sarah's apartment is a much bigger, better hill. Oh well, I know for next time. In the process of doing everything else, I saw Alan, who is coincidentally Sarah's ex, and he invited Eran and me to spend the night, as I was NOT going to drive home in the snow on a Friday night with drunkards and people that do not know how to drive in the snow. So, by about 3 A.M., I called Alan, and I spent the night at his place (no, I was on the airbed, and NOTHING happened. I do not think I would have let anything happen anyway). I couldn't sleep (damn you soda, probably because I never drink it), but I finally fell asleep sometime after 4 A.M.
My internal body clock woke me up at 7:30, so I left and went to Whole Foods...in the same clothing I wore the day before...because I thought Yuli was working in the morning. Geoff gave me a look, but whatever. He's my boss, and he knows that I have spent the night away from my house before (cough, cough). I went home, did some shit here, and I left for the Westlake Farmer's market. I got some good veggies, eggs, and salmon jerky. Yummy. I drove to try to find my hair products that you cannot get anywhere in Austin, and that was unsuccessful. I went to REI to test-drive the backpack I want. They put 15 lbs. worth of weights in it, and I walked around the store for about half-an-hour. It was so cool. I'm going to buy it next weekend.
I did a bit of grocery shopping, and then the fun began. I went to a toy party! Yeah, sex toys! It was sooo cool. I had never seen a vibrator or anything in person before, let alone handled one. Wow, they were cool. I could not believe how powerful some of them were. By far, the tongue was the absolute coolest. If a guy's tongue could do that, no woman would ever again buy any toys or cheat. I really wanted some good head gel or something, but I don't have anyone to use it on. 0:)
At the party, I met Rachel's friends, Kelsey and Christina, as well as this girl Leslie. All five of us went to Chili's for dinner. Christina had about eight glasses of wine, so she was pretty tipsy. She even had one while we were waiting for almost two hours for a table. We went to the bathroom, and a waiter was following us, asking what was in her cup. None of yo' business, foo'.
It was fun there, especially since Christina was drunk and just wanted to get back to her tingling nipple gel. At the party, we tried that, and I think everyone but me actually put it on their nipples. The lady told us to put it on our lips, too, and that was weird and tingly. It took forever to get the food and such, and I was soo tired, running on three hours of sleep. But, they forgot to charge us for our appetizer, which was still cheap, but after tax, it was only $30 for the five of us. Not too shabby. I eventually made it home, and today, I just cleaned, built for the Block Party, and got the food that I didn't get last night. The worst part of the day was the stupid motorola marathon, as it took me 1.33 hours to get to Hillel/campus. Fuck you, Riverside. Get me out of this hell hole.
Note: This is the abridged version of the weekend, for more info., ask me.
Also posted in livejournal.
The comments server, blogspeak. is suspended for some reason. I will post on Livejournal, if I post, for the time being.
I have that sinking feeling in my stomach again. Today is day two of being off medication for the first time since mid-October. You may think that this is all psychological, that I am experiencing pain, because I accept that I will have pain because I am not on medication anymore, but it is not that. The pain that is reverberating itself through my abdomen is indeed genuine and slightly nauseating. It burns when I breathe, and there are notions of my entire intestinal track tying itself into an infinite number of knots. Okay, pain...owww.
Alas, the effervescent pain in my heart may be greater. I feel like a failure at life. Everytime a glimmer of hope resurfaces, it is merely an illusion, a mirage. The last-known vestibule of hope has all but disappated.
I contemplate my future as I simultaneously recount my past. Daniel - I have no idea what happened there. Over the late winter and all throughout spring last year, we were talking, and he was begging me to come back to New York. Frequently, we questioned each other as to if we were still in love, and we admitted that we were. Again, I have to ponder if I really was, but in this situation, I believe that feeling is not a farce.
I was unable to make it to New York until June, and when I was in his house, sitting in his kitchen with his parents, as I have been doing for the past twenty years, he refused to come home for no reason at all. I spoke to him the day before I left Florida. When I got back, he gave me some bullshit story about a girlfriend. Overnight, I was thrown in the trash. I thought we were going to get back together again. I even held out hopes that after the years of talking about marriage, we were going to get engaged for real this time.
Who was I kidding. I am just the same old me, unloveable, disgustin old Ashleigh...Aren't I?
And then I start to think about Danny sometimes, but rarely. Yes, as I told you the other day, I have been over you for a very long time. The only thing that continuously runs through my mind is the thought, "Were we ever in love?" Or were they simply words we felt obligated to say?
As I analyze these words, it again makes me believe that I am wholly unloveable...no, take it a step down - I am wholly unlikeable.
But maybe that's just me, and if it is, I don't want to be me anymore.
To be continued...
Also posted in Livejournal.
Take the What Should Your New Year's Resolution Be? Quiz
What the hell?
DanB2001 [12:52 AM]: I was reading your journal, and I was curious based on a few entries if you still had feelings for me
Hockeysoccerlife [12:52 AM]: may i ask which entries?
Hockeysoccerlife [12:53 AM]: and not to be mean or anything, but i have more feelings for adam than i do for you
DanB2001 [12:53 AM]: don't remember... the ones about me
Hockeysoccerlife [12:53 AM]: nope, just angry at the world around me
Hockeysoccerlife [12:53 AM]: it's just one of those things where you think, "okay, don't i deserve better than what I have?"
DanB2001 [12:54 AM]: huh?
Hockeysoccerlife [12:55 AM]: i don't really want to get into it now, because it would make both of us mad, but basically, i was wondering why you "deserve" to have someone after cheating on me, and I am stuck with both no one and a string of bad luck. you know, being lonely in a way
DanB2001 [12:55 AM]: 's ok. I understand
Hockeysoccerlife [12:57 AM]: so to clarify succinctly, i have not had feelings for you in over a year
Hockeysoccerlife [12:57 AM]: just as friends
Hockeysoccerlife [12:57 AM]: speaking of which, you should add me as a friend to your journal
DanB2001 [12:58 AM]: I'll see when I get around to it
DanB2001 [12:58 AM]: I gg though
Hockeysoccerlife [12:58 AM]: okay, i think i will venture downstairs now
Hockeysoccerlife [12:58 AM]: have a good night
DanB2001 [12:58 AM]: u2
I have posted on Livejournal, however, I see no point in posting if no one comments anymore. It's just no fun.
I'm still testing out Livejournal.
However, it seems as if my regular posters have all but disappeared. Adam, are you out there? Are you okay? Hee hee. At least I have talked to everyone else, but you seem to have slipped away into a vortex. Respond on the livejournal, please.
Thank you everyone!
Lea el Livejournal, por favor.
I'm still trying out livejournal, so read that please.
Rosie is so cute and silly. She was standing in the middle of the stairs, and I decided to come up here. I tried to explain to her that she could just turn around. She gives me this little dumbfounded look, as in "I don't know how to go back up the stairs because I am pointed in the down direction." I told her to put all four legs on the same step, and then she could turn around. Instead, she went down to the first floor, and then she turned around and came back upstairs. Silly puppy.
Yes, I know, I have no life. Oh well.
I posted on Livejournal this morning.
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.
What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
____________________________________________________________
Nerdslut
What's your sexual appeal?
brought to you by Quizilla
____________________________________________________________
Congratulations!! You're a glass of water!! . .. um
What Drink Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
I just created a Livejournal account, now that you do not need a code. I do not know/think I will use it much. I really like my good old blogspot. What I think I will do is just do quiz results/pictures on the livejournal and post a link in here everytime I post on there, because it is a nightmare to try to get pictures on here. It never works.
If you are interested, the livejournal is located at:
www.livejournal.com/users/ashleigh919
Yay, the computer came back today! As Arthur put it, I killed the modem on Sunday night, and I went an ENTIRE day without going online. Wow, betcha thought I could never do that. Ha ha.
So what's been going on in my life lately? Let's see...
Chiropractic care is going well, and we'll see what kinds of improvements can come about for the short time I am here.
I went back to my high school today, and some things really do not ever change, especially in yearbook and debate. For those of you that went to Nova, here are a few things of note:
- Mrs. Igualada is a blonde. Yes, she is a blonde. I
barely recognized her, and didn't have much time
to talk, as she was running off to a luncheon.
Therefore, I do not know if she is a Jew yet, but we
are soon to find out.
- You are now allowed to wear backless shoes.
What the hell? All those years that we fangled
with shoelaces, bra straps, and the like to make it
appear that our shoes actually have straps, and
now, no one cares. Grr.
- Mr. Lederberg is the same old Mr. Lederberg. 'Nuff
said.
It is extra-super boring here, so I went to go buy Arthur a birthday card today, after I saw the chiropractor. I was driving down Pine Island, talking to Sharon (don't worry, I was on hands-free), and I feel something hit me. I began to scream. I've never been in an accident when I was driving, and my father is obsessively protective of the damn car. I had been sitting at the same traffic light for ages, and then this lady suddenly hit me. Damn Floridians. Luckily, there is not a scratch on the car, but I called my mom, and we mutually agreed to not tell my father. What he doesn't know, can't hurt him, can it?
We all went to the mall together yesterday, and for some reason, my father is having a very difficult time finding shoes in his size. Whatever. What did interest me, however, is that he said he needs to go to a "real city" to get a decent pair of shoes, and he said that he would be going to New York. I volunteered to go with him, so I am hoping that this actually happens.
In other news, Doug asked me again today if I needed a creamy, liquid refreshment, or something along those lines. This repetitive nature and other things have got me thinking again. I know that when I think, it just creates more trouble, but I am hoping that I will experience I good outcome this time around. I've come to the realization that I am looking for a relationship. No, I should not say "looking;" I heard it was bad to phrase it that way. If the opportunity shall come along...Yeah, that's it. But seriously, though I have not really had one since March, my days of meaningless hook-ups are over. That is not me, that is not what I like, and it may be physically satisfactory, but mentally, emotionally, it takes a toll on a person. I'm also crazy enough to be thinking of asking a certain guy out, but I do not know if that will actually happen. Really, I just want people to take me seriously.
I spoke to Danny today, as well as many other people. No one will be here for a while, so I have to remain bored. Oy, I am too tired to think now, at 11:00 P.M. I had all kinds of things to type about. Oh well. I am going to bed, and I will think of them tomorrow. Ha ha. We're getting a "cold" front, and tomorrow's high will br 72 and the follwoing days will be 67-69, and people are freaking out, that it's going to get cold.
Yeah, stupid Floridians.
Today was supposed to be your average Saturday, but it some ways it was not. It began in a fairly normal fashion; my father picked up my mother from work, and all of us went to the Best Deli for breakfast. I took forever from then on to clean up my room/put away what was left from unpacking, and I finally got out of the house around 2:00 P.M.
From there, I went to Whole Foods to return something, get lunch, and buy water. Doug was there, and he was hitting on me as usual, but I refuse to hook-up with a married guy. Besides, my days of just "hooking-up" are over. I'm looking for a relationship, not some fling, and I especially do not want something long-distance, unless I have been with the man for at least a few months or known him for a while. Long-distance is enough of a strain, and on top of a new relationship, that just spells disaster.
Anyway, I digress. I was in Whole Foods for a bit, seeing people I hadn't seen in a while. I got offered some work, and it is tempting, as I do not like this whole being broke thing, but I really want to milk my time off to the fullest extent. This is the first time I have had off since I started working, and I began working in the summer of 1999.
Then, I went off to brave the mall. I found three pairs of jeans with tags still on them, so I went manned with one receipt and two credit card bills, hoping to reduce the amount I owe to the store, which I believe is less than $200 anyway. They told me I had to call up and get more information about the purchases, because they were combined with other things, and I had to get the exact prices of the jeans. I thought that I had paid for the ones with the receipt by credit card, but I had apparently returned something, so they just gave me a merchandise credit. Oh well, I don't even think that it was the correct receipt, and they gave me more than I paid for them.
After that, I went to have some fun. I intended on planning to go out to Sawgrass to get new sneakers, as I had a coupon for Sports Authority, but that never happened. I knew that I had to pass by Jacaranda Lakes on the way, and I am dying to see Darren. For some reason, my heart longs to see him. Maybe it is because, on the 26th, it will be four years to the day since we were together. I have no idea. So I drove past his house, and my heart was beating so rapidly. He definitely still lives there, and if I saw him, I could have made an excuse that I was going to see if Scott Holtz was home, because he lives on the same street, and four years ago, Darren saw me there, so he would know that I am not lying. Following that, I was already in the Lakes, and I am so curious about Valerie. I mean, she used me to sneak around and pick out her engagement ring, but going by the UCF website, she is no longer enrolled there, so I'd like to know what happened to her. By this time, it was getting late, and we were supposed to go to an early dinner before my mom went to work, and she called me, so I went home without ever making it to Sawgrass. No new shoes - again. :( Oh well.
We went out for Chinese Buffet, and I ate so much. I hadn't really eaten since breakfast, because lunch was a no-go, so it was kind of okay. My father was being ridiculously funny playing with this dessert thing that looked like a Rice Krispies Treat, but with more yellow to it, and it had sesame seeds on it. It was so hard, you could easily break a tooth, if not a wall, with it. We were thinking up alternate uses for it, and my father picks up a knife and a spoon to use as a hammer and chisel. That, in addition to other ridiculous things, had me laughing so hard, I was unable to breathe, and I felt like I was going to throw up. Yeah, I had a lot of fun, and now I feel hungry. I do not know if it is because it was Chinese food or I am bored, but I have been here for a total of four nights, and I have had Chinese twice already. It's good to be back...I think.
Help! The snowbirds are here already. I got stuck in miserable traffic at 3:00 P.M. today, and I already saw a lot of out-of-state plates. At least I have not run into any of the Quebecois or anyone from Montreal yet. They are the absolute worst drivers.
In other words, I REALLY need someone to go to shul with me. I couldn't even find a good Orthodox temple here, and that scares me, because I am in South Florida. I think that the problem is that most people are either Reform, don't attend services at all, or they go to a Chabad. There a lot of Chabads here, but I am not going to one of them. I don't even own a long skirt! Hee hee. That's not really the problem, but I will not delve that deep into Judaism, and I really do not believe in the Chabad's practices. Oh well. I found a Conservative shul that may be promising, and it's near my gym, so I can go to the gym afterwards. :)
Only five more Fridays left to deal with this problem. See, my father says that no one in South FL. will let you into a shul if you are not a member, and that is the truth. There is a reform congregation right near the house, but I would never go there (they have an organ in the sanctuary, it's reform, etc.), and my father said they will check ID as you go in, and I do believe that it is true. Okay, time to leave. More later.
Yeah, umm, dial-up can kiss my ass. Even my father's friends, whom he has known for over fifty years, are here from Queens, have high-speed in their house, and cannot understand why my father still uses dial-up.
In other news, I went to Whole Foods yesterday. I ran into my parents while I was there. I also saw lots of people I know, customers and employees alike. They all seem to miss me when I am here and not working, but when I bust my ass, working crazy shifts, and they call me SIX hours before my shift, asking me to come in early, and I drop everything and am there within my minutes, they cannot even say so much as, "Thank you." There are so many things wrong with the Plantation store, and that is why I love Sixth and Lamar so much more.
Enough about stupid Whole Foods, and off to the doctor stuff. I went to see a gastroenterologish here yesterday, and what a difference! He put me on another month's worth of medication, to rule out acid refulx disease or just IBS. If I have another gallbladder attack (sometimes they can be months apart), I am to immediately go in for blood work. If my pancreas, kidneys, etc. are inflamed, then it really is my gallbladder. I can almost feel an attack coming on. I had a mini-one on Wednesday.
So, all-in-all, I am not getting cut, as of right now.
After tghe gastroenterologist, we go to the chiropractor. That's my parents' newest thing: Go to the chiropractor a million times a week. I go through all the diagnostic testing, and they perform a thermography scan. Green means okay, blue is a bit of trouble, red is bad, and black is WAY off the charts. I had a bunch of black areas. Any guesses as to what the two highest ones were? That's correct, my gallbladder and my knee. My knee is so swollen and painful recently, from my stupid soccer injury, or as Arthur likes to call it - where Adam beat me up. Hee hee. But, it's been two months already!
Okay, I need to go get dressed and have my hair chopped off. Chiropractor at 12, driving mom to work at 2:30ish, may putz around in Ft. Laud for a bit, as she works right near the beach, so call my cell phone if you need me! I'm really bored, so feel free to call. :P
I just came to a realization - I'm FUCKING FINISHED WITH FINALS!
My mommy's latkes taste SOOOO good. :)
Rosie is so cute. She missed me so much, she jumped on me when I came in. She NEVER jumps on me.
American Airlines sucks.
I'm hungry, so I'm getting Chinese Food and going to Whole Foods in the RED JEEP! I LOVE THE RED JEEP!
Me crazy.
STILL NOT PACKED!!!!!! AHHHHH!
PUPPY in t-minus seven hours!
Fuck, I still have a paper to write. I spent too much time with Arthur, Aaron, the other Aaron, and Annie last night. Oh well. It's not like I will be seeing any of them soon, so it was time well-spent.
Sayonara!
ANNOUNCEMENTS
I have screwed up my knee - again! It is also still swollen from my October soccer injury...lovely.
Since I did not change my AOL billing in time, I am still on a high-speed plan until December 26. Basically, if I use my parents' dial-up connection for more than five hours, I will be charged $2.95 an hour. Yikes! Therefore, I will be using either Ashleigh919 or FLPanthersHockey as my screennames until then. I will be signing onto AIM under my normal screenname, but that computer never used to like staying on AIM, so we will see what's going on with that.
Okay, kiddos, time to get dressed and do last-minute cramming before my 9:00 A.M. accounting exam.
So, my dad already had TWO printers hooked up to his ancient 400mhz dial-up internet computer, and now he has a third printer. Apparently it's not spooling correctly, so he tells me that he's going to get his computer guy out there - Hi, I know how to fix these things, why waste your money? Besides, I want the printer for my own. He already has the same EXACT printer, anyway. Now, if I can convince him to put a new processor in his computer and hook up his cable modem...Yes, he has a cable modem, but he believes people steal your information through a high-speed connection, but wait, he never shops online and he has no information on the computer. Old people, bah.
I just realized that the link I posted the other day didn't work, so try this.
http://www.c404.tv/ascii_index.html
Finally - the server works! It was strange; my site was up, but the main server was not. Oh well.
I just made a smoothie that is part margarita mix...interesting, considering all the greens, bee pollen, and completely organic shit that composes the rest of the smoothie.
Arthur, it is possible to burn rice! It cooked much faster than it should have, so I wasn't stirring it. Just some of the spices are stuck to the bottom of the pan, so it's not too bad.
I'm on the 4th page out of six of my Yiddish paper!
Now, I really need to study for accounting.
Happy Graduations to Jason and Adam.
I wish I was finished with this bull, already. At least I will be at home in less than three days. I don't know whether I should be excited or disappointed. I guess I should be excited, because I haven't been there since the beginning of August.
Toodles for now! I remember how Morgan used to say "toodles" when we were younger...mem-or-ieeess...
UPDATES
Approximately 2.25 out of six pages finished for Yiddish paper due on Monday.
Little studying done for 9:00 A.M. Tuesday accounting exam.
Nothing done for 6-page sociology paper due Wednesday at 5:00 P.M. I think I may write this on the plane and type it when I get home. It would be easier if someone could lend/rent a laptop to me. Just a thought...
Radio contests...blah. I'm just trying to get into the running to go see Metallica in Las Vegas on New Year's eve. You have to be caller nine - last night, I was caller one; this morning, they didn't pick up once when it was ringing, and then second time, I was caller number three. I remember when I was younger and I was trying to win contests, my mother would help me. We would be dialing with all the lines in the house plus our cell phones...ah, those were the days...
What's the point of updating if no one ever posts?
This took me maybe 3 minutes to answer for someone else. Give me just three minutes of your time. Thank you - I'm curious.
1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. Am I loveable?
3. How long have you known me?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. What do you think my weakness is?
8. Do you think I'll get married?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Do you think I could kill someone?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
20. Are you going to put this on your livejournal and see what I say about you?
21. If I were a pizza topping, what would I be and why?
Okay, I have 2 hours to learn statistics, so I'll go get dressed and do that now.
Fuckers, I forgot to eat dinner! Now I'm hungry, but it is too late to eat. Grrr. Guess who's going to feel famished when her internal clock wakes her up at 5:30 A.M. ish.?
Yuck, my hair smells like shit-garettes (cigarettes). This is why I actually own perfume, so that I can spray my hair lightly and try to not inhale the noxious fumes currently eminating from my mane.
Finally, AIRPORT! Someone, anyone, please drive me. I am offereing MONEY here. $20 to the lucky winner. PLEASE. I'm getting desperate here. By the way, I know that there are things such as super shuttle, but they want to pick me up at about 3:30 A.M., and I don't really need to leave until about 4:55.
Eww, how do people smoke? Okay, off to have more weird dreams...about Arthur. Only to annoy him, though. Ha ha ha.
Remember, how in the Simpsons, there used to be these commercials for that doctor, and the phone number was " 1-800-DOCTORB - Dial B for bargain?" Well, this evaluation of the scan on my gallbladder kind of reminds me of that.
Ms. Paige is a 20-year-old Caucasian female who reports a 14-day history of abdominal pain. (This was written at the end of October) She describes the pain as a deep stomachache localized in the epigastrium. onset occurred after a meal two weeks ago while visiting her parents (I haven't seen my parents since the beginning of August). At a maximum, pain can last for two hours. the patient states discomfort is present on most days. Last week, she has 48 hours of no symptoms; then pain recurred following a meal. The patient awoke with symptoms at 5:30 A.M. yesterday for the first time. She notes some relief with Mylanta at that time. She complains of anorexia and nausea (I never told any doctor about my anorexia, and I pretty much quit that four years ago). She denies emesis or fevers. She denies NSAID/aspirin use. She is not sexually active (Ain't I special?) and denies genitourinary complaints. Work-up this far includes Chem-7, H. pylori serology, urinalysis, and abdominal ultrasound by UT health servies, all of which have been unremarkable. The patient denies taking Tetracycline prior to sympton onset and denies odynophagia. Eight-day trial of Nexium thus far has reduced frequency of pain, but has not reduced discomfort. The patient denies prior history or similar symptoms. Symptoms began two weeks after he (yes he, and this is not the only grammatical error I found) mid-term finals were complete, and the patient feels symptoms cannot be stress related.
This just reaffirms that doctors are not perfect and not smart. :P Boo-ya. That's why me going to be a lawyer...I think. Still have about six months to decide. Back to studying and stupid homework/final papers I go.
For those of you computer nerds out there:
http://zetarocks.com/zredirect.php?mainsrc=http://www.c404.tv/ascii_index.html
This is so strange!
Extracted from Ryan's profile:
http://www.ece.ucdavis.edu/~mrhong/penguin.gif
Do you ever get the feeling that your parents just do not listen to you - ever? I had to pay for my garage parking pass renewal yesterday by 5:00 P.M. or pay $7 to park every day next semester, which would have me closer to my classes, but still...I told him about the renewal a million times, and today he tells me that he didn't go to the bank to put the money in my account. I don't have enough money to cover the check, because I have not been working. My father asks me why I didn't wait a few days to pay for the permit. Hello - it was due yesterday. I started to yell at him that it is his responsibility to pay for it, because that was part of the deal of my living in this shit hole in the ghetto for one more year. He fucking turns off his phone. Now I have to transfer money from my savings account and hope that he gives it back to me, in addition to his half of my car insurance payment. I hate to borrow from savings for him because he never gives it back, as I still owe myself $400 from not too long ago. That's why I was going to work over winter break and save, save, save. Not anymore, though...
Anyone want to purchase a parent? I'll give him away for free.
On a lighter note, just one more day of class! To those of you that are graduating, I'd give you a million dollars to switch places with me. School is giving me cooties, yes, cooties. Back to studying I hope to go...
Sadly, I am so broke, I was just eating Ants on a log, sauerkraut, and relish.
However, I am thoroughly enjoying being able to waste my time, as I am not working. I hope that my employer comes through with my paid time off soon. I also do not even want to attempt to buy food, as I am going home in one week.
ALSO, SOMEONE PLEASE RESPOND TO MY AIRPORT QUESTION; I DESPERATELY NEED A RIDE!
Answer these and tell me what you think. I stole this from Arthur's Aaron.
1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. Am I loveable?
3. How long have you known me?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. What do you think my weakness is?
8. Do you think I'll get married?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Do you think I could kill someone?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
20. Are you going to put this on your livejournal and see what I say about you?
21. If I were a pizza topping, what would I be and why?
I have been asked to get as many people as possible to come, so here goes:
CHANUKAH PARTY THIS THURSDAY NIGHT (DECEMBER 4th) AT CHROME NIGHTCLUB ON SIXTH STREET! BE THERE AT 10:00 P.M.!
You can sov just like a dreidel! You know - sevivon, sov, sov, sov. Chanukah, hoog chag tov!
Yummm, latkes. I want my ima's latkes right now. I can't wait!
Food in general sounds like a wonderful plan at this moment...
I almost forgot - who wants to drive me to and from the airport?
My outbound flight leaves Wednesday, December 10 at 6:00 A.M., so you'd have to pick me up at 5:00 A.M.
My returning flight lands Saturday, January 17 at 8:54 P.M.
Any takers out there? I'm willing to offer food and/or money. Thank you in advance!
If you could respond either way, that would be wonderful, so I know people read this.
First off, let me spew out my random thoughts:
My back hurts, right down my spine. It's so annoying; when I press my shoulder blades together, it feels as if someone is stabbing me.
There is a Yiddish movie, "The Dybbuk," which is the most well-know Yiddish play, playing tomorrow from 3:00 P.M. to 5:00 P.M. in EPS 4.104, if you are interested in coming.
I really like my new glasses. I think it's cool that they are mostly red.
I ate dinner alone tonight for the first time in forever. It feels weird. Hee hee. However, I will be home in 9.25 days, and I will always have at least the dog with me. After the surgery, I will probably have to be on a liquid diet for at least a few days, so that will suck.
I really need a new cell phone, so if you would like to contribute to the "Ashleigh is not working until the end of January, and she really needs a new cell phone fund," please mail me a check or something. Thank you.
Two more class days until the semester is over!
I need ideas for my Yiddish Drama and Theatre paper. If you would like to contribute, e-mail me.
Okay, so all-in-all, I had an amazing weekend. I love this not working thing, and some people are so incredibly nice! I feel loved for once, and my self esteem has risen over the past few days, so no complaints there. I have found out, from more than one person, that I am attractive, so I need to just believe it myself. If you know me, and you think this is true, let me know. You don't have to post it in the comments, because then anyone can see it, but please feel free to IM me or e-mail me. This is slightly important, as I do not want to doubt myself.
After two "naps" for 2.5 hours (it wasn't really my fault; I just could not stay awake), I was awake until just after 4:00 today (last night?), and being me, I woke up at 7:15 A.M. And I felt sick. Yuck. I'm sick of being sick. Now, I am not even tired at this point; well, I am, but I am also kind of hungry, and I have laundry on my bed, so I'm not going anywhere for a while.
Finally, don't say you cannot date anyone because the person may have just barely dated your neighbor. It's a bunch of crap. Based on my brain and my experiences, you have to give everything a go. Do not pass up a good opportunity, just because of one little thing that was in the past, as it shall have little to no bearing on the situation. "Don't be oblivious to the people and things right in front of your face." - Me
Ponder, investigate everything; don't look back, or at least, too far back. Life just may pass you by, and you will not realize it. You never know which day is going to be your last, and if you miss out because you die or the thing you go after is gone, then you will hate/abhor yourself for all eternity. Enough prophesizing for now, but the last thing I have/want to say is that desiring the unattainable, or the seemingly unattainable, sucks. But I'd rather have the friendship than nothing at all.
Oy, what a weekend! First I cannot sleep, as I have gotten a sum total of 12 hours of sleep in three days. Then, I cannot stay awake, as happened tonight, and now I am wide awake after driving home with the seat heaters and the actual heat on, something I never do.
However, I have learned a great deal this weekend, had some memorable experiences.
I am also realizing how much attending conservative vs. orthodox Shabbat services sucks. I went to Conservative services with Arthur last night, because there were no Hillel services due to stupid Thanksgiving. It is just that I enjoy Orthodox services so much more, and I believe that I get more out of them. I do not know what I am going to do when I go home. The two closest shuls are Reform, no way. When my family belonged to them, way back when, one had a guitar-playing cantor, and the other one is reminscent of a church, as it has an organ. The conservative shul we used to belong to has a convert Rabbi - Yaakov Thompson. He bat mitzvahed me, and I just don't like his style. I need to find an orthodox shul somewhere near me, but that would entail driving, and I do not think they would appreciate someone having to drive/actually driving to daven at their shul.
In summation, would it be so wrong to pull out my own siddur and daven by myself on Shabbas? I just so thoroughly enjoy going to services, though.
In other words, I have been told that I am very attractive, and that makes me very happy. Oh look, the "self esteem o'meter" is rising. Yay!
I guess that is all for now, and I should attempt to get some sleep. I am going home in 10 days. Wow, that's scary in a way. Yesterday morning, my mother called me, just so I could talk to the dog. Yeah, my Rosie misses me. :)
I must say that my new mouse is SO freaking cool! Why didn't I get an optical mouse sooner?
I wonder what would happen if I plugged in both this and the old mouse at the same time, as one is serial, and one is USB...hmm...Lah dee dah.
What a fun and interesting weekend, and I still have 2.5 days left!
I was thinking about things, and my brain said, "Wow, I'm 20 years old." 20 (twenty, veinte) seems like such a large number. Whether I think about it in English or Spanish, my two main languages, it seems almost obsolete in a way. I'm "so" old, but what can I do about it? Hmmm, I just don't know at this point. Ahh, I know what I am thinking. My stomach is growling...hungry, hungry, feed me.
In other words, my mother called me yesterday, just to have the puppy bark into the phone. She put the phone up to Rose's ear and everything, and I got to hear her lick my mother. Am I am the strange one?
More oddities later...
Update on the "Kosher Turkey: Farce or Truth" debacle:
Check out this website: http://www.jewfaq.org/kashrut.htm#Animals
An excerpt: For birds, the criteria is less clear. The Torah lists forbidden birds (Lev. 11:13-19; Deut. 14:11-18), but does not specify why these particular birds are forbidden. All of the birds on the list are birds of prey or scavengers, thus the rabbis inferred that this was the basis for the distinction. Other birds are permitted, such as chicken, geese, ducks and turkeys.
Last night, Debra, Arthur, and Aaron R. all said that turkeys are kosher. Sorry, Adam.
Okay, back to listening to Arthur talk to his mother on the phone...Me so tired, so very tired.
NEVER, EVER get home at midnight on a night when you have to wake up at 5 A.M. the next morning and be at work by 6:30...oy...
Back by popular demand...THE DATING CHART!
I can connect each and every person I have ever dated and/or made out with to each other.
Joshua Lubitz: Father's name is Robert; drove an Altima; is Jewish
Mike Zarr: Father's name is Robert; drove an Altima
Truman Smith: Blonde hair; went to Nova; has a president's name + Smith for his names, graduated from high school in 2000
Darren Rothouse: Is Jewish, drove an Altima, went to Nova, worked at Whole Foods
Daniel Gottfried: Has blonde hair; has blue eyes; is Jewish; is named Daniel, father's name is Joel
Daniel Blundy: Has blonde hair; has blue eyes; is named Daniel; middle name is Robert; went to Nova
Lyndon Smith: Has president's name + Smith for his names, blue eyes, blonde-ish hair, works at Whole Foods
Adam Sowalsky: Is Jewish, drives an Altima, father's name is Joel, graduated from high school in 2000
There are more things that connect these people, but I am too busy thinking about not thinking about homework right now to further connect them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In other news, I think I will start inserting dividers between posts, such as that one, to further distinguish them. I have tried to reformat the HTML in the template to allow more room between posts, but it simply does not like me.
I experienced these thoughts the other day, and I would like to further expound upon them now.
When did we get so old, grow up? It seems just like yesterday that driving a car was a far-off dream and fancy, that the twelfth grade was so incredibly ancient, and it seemed as if it would take forever to get there. Once I got into tenth or eleventh grade, and especially now, twelfth grade is just the opposite. It appears to be so young, but it is definitely not innocent. I was driving down Slaughter Lane (in extreme South Austin, for those of you that don't know) last Wednesday, and I look down at my steering wheel, and I realize, "Wow, I'm driving a car. I am in control." I know how weird it sounds, but I don't remember time passing so quickly. I have been driving for over five years now. I can clearly remember that I was late for my own Bat Mitzvah. I remember the classrooms I was in in sixth grade, even earlier than that; I can picture them all in my head. I remember a sunny day at my house when I had people over. There are so many memories that seem just like yesterday, but I know that they were years and years ago.
I can still picture the day that it snowed maybe two inches, but my cousin and I decided to go sledding anyway, and we almost went right off the cliff. Come to think of it, Gabriel and I were always making trouble. One spring, the snow had already melted and everything, but one morning, there was a huge block of ice at the end of the swingset's slide, so we decided to play with it. Of course, the pool was not open yet, so the cover was on it. Gabe and I get the bright idea to throw the ice across the pool and run across the cover. At one point, I fell, and I was soaking wet, not allowed back into the house (it's a pretty opulent house, especially after the last remodel a few years ago), and I had to sit outside and dry when it was only 40 degrees.
Memories, memories, memories. I really have to do some homework now, as I did nothing this weekend. Maybe I will take a picture of my "haircut" and post it on my other site, when I get a chance. Have a pleasurable day.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I just did a hack job on my hair, not necessarily one of my best, but I'm going home in 16 days anyway, so what the hell?
Yay! Someone was kind enough to adopt me! Thank you, Arthur. I am going to his house for Thanksgiving. It's good anyway, because his parents think he doesn't know any Jewish girls. Hee hee. Last time I checked, the tattoo said I was Jewish...yeah, time to attempt to be productive. It's been a long weekend, and I have to work after school tomorrow! Nooooooo. Well, I needed money, so I chose to work this week. What can I do?
Smoke detectors going off, no smoke, no nothing. Grrr...
Arthur told me to ask Aaron G. to marry me, so I did so, and though he has asked me the same question before, I was declined. Darn.
Arthur told me that he found someone for me to date, but he's going back to Mexico, because he misses his family. Darn again.
Arthur said something else that was funny, and now I forget what it is. Do you remember? Darn again.
I had dinner with Arthur and Annie FOUR NIGHTS IN A ROW! Too much fun has been had this weekend, oh yes. I'm thinking about having another dinner here in two weeks, or the only other idea that I had was to go out to dinner to make up for my birthday. Hee hee. Better late than never.
That's all I can think of for right now. I'm pretty tired and such. Doing virtually nothing all day exerts more energy than my normal busy-ness.
If I think of anything else, I will type more later. I thought I had a few things to say, but oh well. Have a good week. Tomorrow is my last day of freedom until Thursday afternoon. Sigh...
Oh yeah, final-fucking-ly, some real weather!
Today
Nov 23 AM Showers 71°/29°
Mon
Nov 24 Sunny 53°/28°
Bring in the kiddies, because we are under a freeze warning! First freeze! Sorry, but good weather gets me giddy. And then I realize that, in two weeks, I have to go back to Florida for five-and-a-half weeks...
Today
Nov 23 Mostly Sunny 82°/67°
Mon
Nov 24 Mostly Sunny 81°/65°
Yuck, it's even supposed to be 85 later this week.
So, last night...
Goldstein, your ass is grass for not calling me back!
Arthur, Annie, Aaron G., and Daniel showed up last night. I cannot believe how much we ate! But it's okay, the food was good. I proved that I will indeed make a good wife because I can actually cook chicken. Hee hee, and who said vegetarians knew nothing about meat? Boo-yah.
Anyway, we also made yummy margaritas. Who knew that they would be so good with blueberries in them?
After a while, Aaron and Daniel left to go to another party, and Aaron was supposed to call me back, but he didn't. Hmmppphh. After poking me, and forgetting to armwrestle me, it could have been the least he could have done. Oh well, Annie, Arthur, and I watched Wayne's World and played Atari until well after midnight, which was too much fun. Arthur, is the joystick sticky? Hee hee. And that's really it. I went to bed somewhere near two, and I woke up at 7ish with a stomach ache which has since mostly dissapated. I'm going to go make french toast with challah and Soy Nog (Like eggnog, but vegan - it makes good french toast (duh)). And tonight, I get to go to the Kosher Chinese place. Woo hoo!
I'll be around here for most of the day, if yo need me.
How downhill and unproductive the day becomes when someone yells at you for no reason, when you are just trying to be friends...
Last night was fun, however. We sat around at Hillel until about 10:00, just being stupid and whatnot. Aaron G. confirmed that his sister is not a lesbian (damn...just kidding), and then he told me I should date his neighbor, though it's not who we think it is.
Aaron R. actually picked up his cell phone on Shabbas.
We were supposed to make margaritas, but that never happened. Wah.
Umm, that's all. Not in the best of moods right now, feeling downtrodden and whatnot, need to clean out the fridge and get on with my day, as I am having a dinner suaree tonight.
More later.
Fun day - see, Arthur, you finally got to cook for me!
Jewish girls do it best! Yeah, we do...
The answering machine will say, "Thank you for calling triple A - Ashleigh, Arthur, and Aaron." Hardee har har.
Am I a lesbian?
Which guy to go after?
Is he gay? Yikes.
"Why don't you go sit on his doorstep. No, better yet, go into his apartment, lay down naked, and then ask him if he wants you." - Arthur
The apartment/townhouse I told you about is $1250 a month or about $417 each. It's not furnished and only includes internet, not electricity. We'll figure it out later. I just felt like checking.
My desk is vibrating.
Lovely, good night, tired, and allergic.
Arthur, maybe I am sneezy and stuffed up from the dairy, no?
Canada, eh? Good eh? No more "good day?" Oh well.
Good night.
I'm a fucking genius!
I'm reading the damn statistics book, and when I studied the wrong chapters when I was at Adam's apartment that day, I was wondering what the hell a formula meant. Again, I am studying it, and I wonder what sub-n (as in little letter and below the main letter a bit) C sub-r is, like nCr, but n and r a sub. Anyway. I'm playing with my calculator to try to erase the memory, and I realize that there is an nCr button. Now I can compute it and pass my test! I rock! I rock! ... I need to stay off the drugs...
Dance to the rhythm, dance, dance...
Hee hee. Hanan is ALWAYS listening to techno while he's at work. Now watch, because I am studying for my statistics exam, I will want to dance when I take it. Yes, that's it, Ashleigh...Have you seen my mind?
Brambleberry Iced Tea
Try it - it's from Tazo tea and Kosher and everything. Yum.
Well, to sum things up, life has been fairly decent lately. I'm settling into a nice little niche. I have been doing a lot of thinking, perhaps a bit too much, but I do believe that it is healthy. This past weekend was such an amazing weekend, and most importantly, I was happy. I was talking to Aaron G., and I realized that for the first time in a long time, I did not feel at all lonely this weekend. I don't know if it was because I kept myself busy or because I went out on both Friday night and Saturday night. Hell, I never even made it home on Saturday night! But that is besides the point. I think I am pretty darn happy now, and that's good.
Now to prophesize. I've been analyzing religion to death. What does it really mean? Does it stand for something? Understandably, I have changed my views a bit over the past two months or so. I now feel compelled to attend services every single Shabbas. It's not that I believe that G-d with shun me if I do not, but it is something that thoroughly enjoy. It also feels like something that cleanses me, and I feel so refreshed afterwards. Am I making any sense here?
I've also been thinking about what it means to be a Jew. Being a Jew has always been a major component of my life, but how "far" shall one go. I now realize that being a Jew shapes more and more of my life, and I thoroughly enjoy it. I most certainly would not be whom I am without it, not had many of my experiences. I love being Jewish so very much, and I have redefined the lines. I am Orthodox in some ways: beliefs, attending services, which services I choose to attend, keeping as Kosher as I possibly can, etc., but I do not think that I am an extremist, nor can I ever be. Okay, Shabbas is your day of rest. However, I view it as sometimes making things more difficult for you. It's your day of rest; you should be able to do what you want. Having to walk everywhere creates more strain than rest on the body, therefore, I do indeed drive on the Sabbath. Again, not using electricity equates to inconveniencing an individual. If you have things to do, then you need to do them. It is your rest; pick your poisons. I believe that the Sabbath is about chosing things you enjoy and treating yourself. If you enjoy going to the mall or something of the sorts, so be it. Treat yourself to some new clothing, make-up, shoes, etc. Spending money should not be an evil associated with Sabbath.
Finally, keeping Kosher...I try to do this as much as I possibly can, but some things...Okay, canned vegetables are technically Kosher. Yes, I fully understand that it depends on whether the factory produces the Milchig and fleishig items, but most canned vegetable companies produce just that - vegetables. So, no matter what veggies I eat, they are, in my mind, Kosher. The whole having two sets of dishes thing - if they have been washed, the heat has killed everything, so as long as you do not consume milk and meat in the same meal, what's the big deal. Sure, when I have the money, I probably will have two sets of dishes, anyway, but it's the principle I am arguing here. Just some things to consider, that's all. Mind you, I am doing this as I eat a vegan Ruben, anyway. But that's just it: I am a Jew, and I Jew is what I am.
Okay, I'm tired now. Goodnight, and I know you people want to comment on this one...
Ahh, the joys of my second job. This is why I don't just take on more hours at my normal job - days like the past two weeks. Last week, it was Veterans' Day, so there was no mail. I sorted some papers for a bit, left, and got credit for the full three hours. Today, someone came in at 1 and did the mail, so when I went down there, there was nothing for me to do, so I filled out my time sheet and left, so I just wasted half-an-hour. That's all.
Dammit, I forgot to look for CDs for Aaron, and it's too busy up there for me to go up there again. Sorry.
I was going to write something else, but I forgot what it is. Dumb me. Ha ha. I guess I should continue to bullshit through my Yiddish paper. Maybe I should study for statistics and clean too - sure, why not? I really shouldn't get too used to this not working thing...sigh.
I won a new optical mouse on Ebay! Yay! No more mouse that doesn't track properly. I currently have my mouse pad upside-down, and I have to hold it and be careful, how annoying! Kvetch, kvetch, kvetch; it's what I do best, isn't it?
SOMEONE POST ON HERE! NO ONE DOES ANYMORE.
The news is out - I am indeed certified SANE. Yes, sane, not INsane. They see no point in my going to therapy, therefore, I will not go. Ha ha! Off to conquer the world, better known as getting two broken nails fixed, plus some errands, with some homework on the side.
Okay, Arthur's going to tell everyone why he's laughing at me this week, aren't you, Arthur? Hee hee.
Sorry again about the car, but it takes a man like me to notice things.
Back to studying for accounting...
Oy, if I ever slept through the night!
It's a busy day I have ahead of me:
No 8:00 class because we have a midterm tonight, so no class until 11:00. I finished my paper for that class, have to finish studying for Yiddish quiz, and then it's all about Accounting, because that midterm is at 7:00 P.M. If anyone that lives near campus wants to be kind and let me hang out and study, I would love you forever, because I think that I would be wasting my time driving back here and then back to campus, though I have 5 hours before the test after my last class.
OKay, back to sleep. Call my cell phone at some point if you feel like being kind.
Ahh, the memories...
DanB2001 [9:34 PM]: yeah I can be pretty mean
Hockeysoccerlife [9:34 PM]: i know that
Hockeysoccerlife [9:34 PM]: but i remember when i punched you in the balls
DanB2001 [9:35 PM]: yeah
Hockeysoccerlife [9:35 PM]: that was funny
DanB2001 [9:35 PM]: that's mean
Hockeysoccerlife [9:35 PM]: two can play your games!
Hockeysoccerlife [9:35 PM]: just kidding
I completely forgot that I went to the doctor today! I saw the surgeon (finally), and well, things are okay, but not wonderful. Part of the HIDA scan I had is called an ejection fraction. It measures the functionality of your gallbladder. Normal results are 70-80%. They begin to worry/suspect something when they are 40%. The doctor tells me that mine is a little different. He's never seen one like mine before. My results are 2%. Wow.
So that means the gallbladder has to go, because it's just sitting there, doing nothing. However, the surgeon goes on to tell me that the surgery is 75% successful; 25% still have pain afterwards which can be related to other problems in the digestive track, such as IBS, ulcers, or anything else. Wonderful.
Okay, back to finishing homework/studying, and then some much needed sleep.
What a day!
The Crazy Science Extravanganza was an amazing success, all-in-all. It was, well, crazy. The clean-up was the worst part, of course.
A revelation!
Hockeysoccerlife [6:12 PM]: Besides, what's so awful about my life story? that's exactly what it is, my life. It's not as if I can totally shape it. It encompasses the events that have happened to me. I will admit that I may not always have made the right decisions, some some of the shit that I have been through has been unavoidable.
That's just it! I'm smart again. Woo hoo.
In other news, I want certain people to treat me like their other friends, not as an outcast, because it just feels damn awkward, and I'm trying to make it feel the exact opposite of that. It's hard to explain now, and I have a lot on my mind, but please understand where I am coming from. Okay, I really need to get hopping on all this stupid homework. Blech.
More later.
Well, now that I have made a total and complete fool out of myself...as usual...
Shit.
Me stupid.
This one's for you, Mr. Goldstein...
By popular request:
Aaron is gorgeous!
Back to researching for the Hillelathon...
See, Aaron, I told you it was funny.
Okay, yeah, ummm, I'm a bad girl. I never made it home after the football game last night. Ooops. It was for my safety; I promise.
Here's what happened, and you decide:
First off, the football game was a 6:00 game, so it was fairly inevitable that it would not get out until near 10. My initial plan was to check out the Israeli Disco party at Hillel, but that was kind of a bust, so I researched other options. I was planning on meeting Aaron G. there, but when I spoke with him and told him what was going on, we decided to rent a movie instead. By this time, it was after 11. I had to walk to my car and drive it over, and then we went to rent the movie. We also had to wait for other people to come over, so by the time we started the movie, it was about 12:15, already late by my books. I was beginning to nod off during the movie, which was not a good sign, but seeing how late I was out on Friday, it's no wonder I was so tired.
The movie ended after two, and then we started to watch the deleted scenes. Daniel also wanted to show us some websites, so when it was all said and done, it was 3:30 A.M. before I knew it. I was tired, had been falling asleep earlier, and have some common sense, so I wasn't going to drive the 10 miles home in that condition.
Aaron's sister and her friend, Carly, were already staying over anyway, so it was one big sleepover. Aaron claimed that we were going to have a lesbian orgy, but if there was one, I was sleeping. So I slept from about 4 to 7:15, realized that I still needed some sleep, and I kind of slept/sat there until 8:30. And now, I'm home.
So really, I do not think it was all that bad. It's been a while since I have not made it home, since back during my Lyndon days, and at least this time, I wasn't out all night fooling around with a guy, so there.
Time to eat breakfast, get dressed, and STUDY before I spend one million hours at Hillel over the next few days.
So I got maybe five hours of sleep last night. I went to bed somewhere near 2:30, and I woke up at 7:30ish with horrible stomach pain. Yay. Arthur, you are completely correct, I do not sleep.
So here's yesterday in a nutshell.
I woke up at 4:45 A.M. to go to a meeting at work. I got to work at about 6:20, and then I realized that it was my last day. However, I felt like someone was repeatedly stabbing me in the lower-left quadrant of my stomach. I called my mother, and she said that the only thing over there would be my ovaries. Nice. As if I needed any more stomach problems. Bah.
So I worked until 3:45, submitted a resume for the internal auditor position upstairs at the national office. I was talking to the HR at work about my time off and getting a benefit hour drive, which is essentially where people donate their paid time off to you, and she's telling me that there's a problem with my doctor's note. It does not have a specific time frame. Well, seeing that I have yet to go to a surgeon...we have no idea. And with surgery, though it's fairly routine, you still never really know how long recovery will take. My appendectomy, probably for various reasons, took forever AND a day to heal...
Anyway, back to the fun stuff. I got my car washed; hooray for pay day. Then I went to Hillel. I don't know how it is in the mens' bathroom, but in the womens' bathroom, and many agree with me, the stalls are like teeny cages. It's hard enough to just plop down on the toilet, let alone change in one of the stalls, but I did it.
Services were fairly uneventful, Adam didn't sound to well, and then I later found out he wasn't feeling well. Feel better, Adam!
Dinner was another story, however. First, Annie left me to go to San Franciso, which I later equated to her hanging out with gay guys, which only thoroughly confused Daniel. I am also now a man according to many people. It was kind of scary in a way, when everytime Arthur mentioned something having to do with a man, he glanced over in my direction. But then I was told that I am more of a man than Arthur, so it was all gravy. Sorry, I had to make a pun on the "Thanksgiving-style" dinner.
Then, I was not a man when Sam called me "doll" somewhere near three hundred times. He invited me over to drink vodka with him, but since I am not a drinker, we debated over whether he would take advantage of me. It's been a long time since someone has done that...
Okay, here's a funny one - We know Sam loves everyone, so somehow, we got to talking about his holding Reiser's hand. Sam does so and starts to stroke Aaron's hand. At this moment, Aaron is so deft and swift in the way he picks up a knife, turns it around, and points it at Sam.
Somehow, I get the idea that I want a hot date for the night. Maybe it was the sleeplessness talking. Maybe it was all the hugging going on. I haven't been hugged so much since I last saw Regina. I don't even remember how I am related to her, through marriage or something distant, but she's almost like the Bubbe I never had, fussing over me and hugging me to death.
Just when we are about to leave Hillel, we have to sit and mensch, because they needed 10 men. Arthur even bothered to count everyone to make sure! So, I get invited to the movies, and Arthur points out, "Aaron G. will be there." Whatever the hell that means, but I love Aaron, so it's okay. We all leave for the movies at fdifferent times, and when I get there, we have about 15 people in our group. It reminds me of camp, when I was in Aaliyah, the travel camp so aptly named, and we went on field trips away from the JCC everyday. We went to lots of movies, because swimming was often cancelled, as it rains too much in Florida.
Anyway, it's Shabbas, we're all Jewish...and we go to see a Christmas movie with elves and Santa. Nice...At the end of the movie, Richard finds a HUGE bag of popcorn, I'm talking nearly as large as Reiser. Sorry, I'm just thinking height-wise, and I think that Arthur is taller than you. Wow, this entry is getting long. Oh well. Richard takes the popcorn outside, and people are eating it and staring at us, when someone prophesizes that it may be all that was swept up from the floor. Hee hee. Goldstein spit his popcorn all over the place. However, we were playing cheap Jews and thinking about maybe saving it for the Crazy Science Extravanganza...yeah. Three-day-old popcorn, possibly from the floor. I don't think so...
After the movie, we decide to go to Amy's Ice cream. Not only is everyone there, but I ran into one of the strangest people at work, Matt R. Shut up, Yuli, he IS strange. I could kind of tell that Arthur was wondering what was up with this guy.
So, Goldstein orders ice cream with alcohol or something in it, and I tease him about it, saying he's not old enough. He proceeds to pull out his driver's license, and I, being Ashleigh, steal it. He tries to take my purse, but I know how to kick people in the balls really hard, so he negated that idea. Somehow, Aaron got a hold of my cell phone, but he starts to scream, "What do I have to do physically to get my license back?" I turn to Arthur and say, "Well...no comment," and Arthur rolls his eyes at me. I eventually get my phone back, but I still have the license. Oh yeah, Aaron had my purse, and for ten minutes, he couldn't come close to getting the zipper closed. Very humorous.
I go to sit next to Aaron, and he leans forward. Arthur tells me that, when a man leans forward, it means he wants a massage. I wasn't going to do that in the middle of an ice cream parlor, so I dug my nails into Aaron's back instead. Me so kind. Then we debated the differences between "man," "guy," and "boy." Here's what we came up with:
Boy - newborn to about high school age.
Guy- 18-36ish
Man- someone with a real job
Aaron told me I'm a man, because I have a real job. Yum.
We were there for forever, and then I wanted to go home with Aaron. Arthur invited me to crash at his place and scare his Aaron in the morning, but my tired mind had other crazy intentions.
I'm going to cut this here, because it is sooooo long, but that was my day of being awake for 22 hours straight. Yeah, crazy times. I had fun though, and that's what counts.
Wow, it's late...I woke up 21 hours ago. Oh well. What a wonderful day!
Go to shul, then see a movie about Christmas...On November 14.
Lots of popcorn in a big, gigantic bag.
Amy's Ice Cream really late...Dairy-free sorbet contains gelatin. Yum, cow's feet.
Lots of delicious flirting. Lots of hugging too. It feels nice, but I like the flirting. Wanted to spend the night...but I don't know...
More tomorrow, when I am more coherent. Confused and room smells strange. Bye bye.
NO MORE WORK FOR A WEEK!
Okay, I need to go change for services, seeing that I am already here at Hillel.
I just wanted to rejoice!
Okay, I really cannot believe that I put up an open invitation to make fun of me, and the only people that did so were Yuli and my mother. OH well.
Great news: TODAY IS MY LAST DAY OF WORK!
Well, I do have work next Friday, but it is still a week away. So I have one day next week, and the next week is Thanksgiving. I was only going to work one or two days, but I prefer to have some cash on hand, and since I will be in stupid Austin, I may as well attempt to work 3 or 4 shifts, and we get paid double time on Thanksgiving day. Yippee.
Okay, I'm off at 3:45, I have a break at 1 if you'd like to visit, and then I am getting my car washed and planting myself at Hillel for the night. Three cheers for no work!
The day so far:
I was walking down (up?) 21st street from my class in UTC to Hillel, when I walk past a guy wearing a garbage bag as his clothing...Yes, it is raining, but not that badly, and I do not believe that he had a "hood" over his head. Okay, I forgot that I am in Ausin, nevermind, I think.
OKAY, HERE IS YOUR CHANCE TO LAUGH AT ME!
If you do not know a thing about Austin/UT, bear with me for a moment, and then throw your jeers at me.
I park in the parking garage at MLK and Trinity. From there to my class in UTC at 21st just west of Speedway, it's a good half-a-mile. I walked from the garage into my accounting class. I put my backpack on the floor to take out my homework, and I wonder why people are giggling. It turns out that I had a pair of underwear hanging from my backpack.
I had dumped out a bunch of clean laundry onto my bed this morning, so that I could use the laundry basket to remove things from the dryer, so that I could put more clothing into the dryer. I placed my backpack on my bed to laod it up for the day, and I apparently zipped a pair of underwear into the zipper.
To make my story even sadder, it was a pair of thongs, not your normal underwear, so that made matters worse. I quickly shoved it into the bottom of my backpack, which is where it sits now, as I type this from Hillel.
I called my mother and told her, and she started laughing like a hyena. A bunch of people at Hillel laughed at me too; Hanan just looked kind of confused. Oh well, I thought it was funny. Now off to read Yiddish plays...
One last thing - is ANYONE going to the Tech game this weekend? I want to at least stand with someone, not alone! I'm in section 20, row 15, seat 1. Someone, anyone...
One more thing - I'm going boxing tomorrow. I am really looking forward to that. Goldstein, your ass is mine! Broo-ha-ha-ha.
All-in-all, it was a pretty decent day. I have one day of work left, this Friday, and then I am working only on Fridays until I go home for Winter Break. I am no longer driving, but my father has sworn to rent a car, so I will be tooling around in a 2004 Limited Grand Cherokee. I can't complain about that. I organized all my notebooks for school, did most of my written homework, will actually do reading during my break tomorrow, and that's it. I'm tired, so I will post more tomrrow. Good night all. Oh yeah, I have a crush on someone, and it's not who you think. Ahh, the illusiveness of a mystery...
Okay, as gay as this sounds, Adam is my inspiration! Okay, not really, but I do have to thank you. When we were going out, you always would ask me why I am not a manger or something at work, and it really got me thinking how much I abhor being on the floor, and I really need to start doing something pertaining to what I will be doing after I graduate. So I started a job search, putting word out with people at the regional and national offices, and there's a position for internal auditor that I may get! So, in closing, thank you, Adam!
Aaron, maybe you aren't so special anymore...
Mowag10x10 [10:40 PM]: you'll find a nice girl and settle down one of these days
I'm a lesbian, and I didn't even know it!
Yeah, I'm going to sleep, seeing that I have to be at work at 7:30 A.M.
So, picture me, on my way to school this morning. Being the ditz that I am, you can see me at the wheel, "la, la, la, la, la." Okay, maybe not, but you get the point. I'm about to turn onto Riverside, when what do I see go past me? A truck pulling a trailer drives by, and in the back...there's a donkey! I turn onto Riverside, and I am eventually next to it, and it is one of the cutest little things I have ever seen, though it was quite a large donkey. I want a donkey when I get my farm. Yeah, people drive around with donkeys. I'm definitely in Texas.
In other words, I really want to move if I can get my lease changed to month-to-month. Anybody know of any affordable places, as in near $500, preferably less, a month that are furnished? There's this place that seems do-able, but it's on Longview Street and "certain people" may not appreciate my being so close, if I do happen to move.
Finally, my parents had a discussion, without me - of course. I am now not allowed to drive home for winter break. I was planning on getting my car painted, my stupid back windshield wiper fixed, and a set of new tires. However, it has been promised that my parents will rent a car so that we can have the "luxury" of having two cars (I hate being poor, let alone the only poor Jew on earth) while I am home. That means that I will be driving the shiny red, new Jeep, instead of my car, which is 8 years older than their Jeep. However, I fear that, knowing my father, I won't ever be able to do things like go to Boca, Aventura, the beach, or anything if I ever want to, because it puts mileage on the car, and he "can't afford the lease overage." I'm so sick of this shit and everything revolving around money. I want a new family, a new life, where we don't have to worry where our next meal is coming from. Okay, we're not that poor, but I hate that I have to work so hard, and it's always "Ashleigh, lay it out and we'll pay it back." Okay, where's my fucking Bat Mitzvah money? This past Sunday, it was 7 fucking years ago, and I still don't have my fucking measly $5000. "Ashleigh, how come you have so little money in your savings account?" Because you fucking took it all! How many of you have paid the mortgage on your parents' house? That's right, no one. How many of you pay ALL your fucking bills? Maybe a few, but still, I hate this, it sucks. Money and being poor are what kept me in this shithole of a community, so far east, so far away from everything. "Ashleigh, how come you aren't more involved in events on campus?" Well, I fucking live EIGHT miles away from campus, and who the hell wants to come all the way back here, and turn around and go back? Who wants to fight traffic, no matter what time of day it is, no matter in which direction you travel? Even if you stay on campus, you still have HOURS before meetings, and who the fuck wants to spend 13 hours a day on campus. Not fucking me, not fucking me. My mother told me I am staying here until next year, but if I can get out of my lease, even if I have to pay a bit more, and go month-to-month, it's worth it to get out of here. I hate it. I hate it. I relish the drive each and every day. I am so jealous of everyone at Hillel, because THEY all live near campus, and I cannot take it anymore.
Okay, enough raving for now. I need to eat, which I would have done sooner if I DIDN'T HAVE TO WORK TWO DAMN JOBS!
Why do I attend what is nearly the ONLY school in the nation that has school today? Hello, what if I wanted to celebrate veterans' day? Okay, maybe I didn't, but I did want time to clean my room and fuck around. Yeah...off to school.
Today's tentative schedule:
ACC 312 Managerial Accounting UTC 3.104 8-9:15
SOC 308 Asian American Studies UTC 4.110 11-12:15
REE 325 Yiddish Theatre and Drama RAS 215 12:30-1:45
Work at the apartment complex from 3-5ish, but I have my cell phone on me, and I can answer it.
I'll have a fun day at school; the rest of you can have a fun day off.
Umm, yeah, I think I just volunteered to co-chair the food part of the Israel Block party. Whatever, Whole Foods owes me, and I can most likely get us free/discounted food.
Wow, I've posted a lot today. Oh well. Who cares. It's my
website anyway. Hee hee.
Me gusto un nuevo hombre! Pero, no se si el se gusta a mi en el otro/mismo mannera. Dammit. O un de mi favoritos: Come mi pinga!
Okay, so I've come to realize that, in life, I am just not destined to be happy or get anything I deserve, or anything I really want. It's not that I am upset about not getting the position on the Hillel Executive Cabinet, because I can live without it, but I thought that I was in. More than one person told me that I blew the interview panel away, that I had the best interview that they had seen, and then I didn't get it. I believe that I am more confused than anything else.
But hey, I was told two things by a special person, and I felt a bit better:
1. At least you have not sold your soul to the devil.
2. You probably wouldn't want to be a on a cabinet that chose Lauren Sandweiss over you, anyway.
Yeah, umm, anyway...I hate my stomach, for obvious ongoing troubles, but I also hate doctors. I am trying to take a short leave of absence from work, but the stupid gastroenterologist won't write a letter stating my condition. Hello, I am often in debilitating pain! I need time to go through diagnostic testing and such, and then surgery. The PA at the doctor said that people have their gallbladders removed all the time, and that is true, but do they do it alone, 1400 miles away from family and such? I don't think so. She also said you have it out and return to work 3 days later. Maybe if you work in an office or something, but I work in a fucking grocery store, as I have yet to find a better position.
Okay, I think that I am hungry now, and I am realizing that I have eaten next to nothing today, so I must find food, do some homework, realize that I have no life, and go to sleep.
"Whole Foods is like Publix, only with different stuff." - Paul Castronovo, Radio DJ for 94.9 Zeta, Miami/Fort Lauderdale
He said that there was a cashier named Brian that told him about wheatgrass and a very nice juicer, the GS-3000 - that's the juicer I almost bought, and now Paul is going to get one!
Oh yeah. I reformatted the comments section to make newer comments at the bottom, in case they reference, as they probably will, an earlier comment.
I am loving this comments section!
Kessel called me a good man during the Hillelathon. I do not remember if it was for my work or something else, but it was probably because I was getting food, seeing that the time I posted it was just after I got back to Hillel from Veggie Heaven. I do have to say that every time I was down the street with his credit card in my pocket, it is tempting to think about going shopping or on a vacation to a normal state like New York...
Okay Ashleigh, get real.
Time to get dressed after being up for almost an hour. I have to go pick up Arthur from the Covert Body Shop on Fifth street, go back to Hillel to get food, as Margo (maybe it's because she's Jewish!) convinced me to take home leftovers from Friday. I also forgot my stupid portfolio at Hillel; I hope it's still there. I don't even remember where I last had it, the social hall, maybe? Damn me. Oh yeah, I also have to work from 11:15-2:30. If anyone needs me, I have my cell phone, and COMMENT, COMMENT, COMMENT!
New comments section should hopefully work! Now I don't have to switch to Livejournal, at least for now, so HA HA, Yuli!
"Ashleigh, you are a good man. " -Rabbi David Kessel
I saw Kill Bill with Aaron G. last night. It was so good! I love blood and guts, as I am internally, a man. Hee hee. No, most people know that I am not a girly girl, that I am more of a guy, and let's leave it at that now.
I am going grocery shopping, and then I am going to bring cider to Arthur, because I am a good girl. After, I will clean my room and spend the rest of the day at Hillel for crazy science extravaganza and the Hillelathon. If you need me, just call my cell phone. More later.
Well, where should I begin? Let's see...I was walking into Target last night, and in this one, the greeting cards are near the front. The first ones I see, and remember that I am in Central Texas, are the Chaunkah cards, and they have a lot of them. Curious, as I just bought a Chanukah present for my aunt, I pick up a card to look at it. I got a paper cut so large, I do not think that I have ever had one this large before. Okay, stop laughing.
Next on the laundry list is, "What a strange and entertaining night." Now that I am "really" Jewish, I attend Shabbas services every week, if you did not know. I had almost forgotten that this weekend was a Shabbaton, and we had visiting Rabbis and Yeshiva students. That in itself was fun and interesting.
I also taught grapejuice how to fly. Yeah, I continue to neglect the fact that I am no longer in debate, and it is not exactly necessary to speak while moving my hands. (Note taken - brain.) However, Arthur and I are now confused, due to a certain person's joining us this evening. Adam never sits with us. In fact, he almost always seems to sit entirely across the room from us, but tonight, he ate with us. Also, he has been genuinely kind to me, and he seemed concered about my stomach. Oh well. All in all, it was a pretty good night, many laughing fits, etc. It's good to have friends.
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE POST ON HERE, SO THAT I KNOW AT LEAST ONE PERSON READS THIS DAMN THING? THANK YOU.
Realizations...
- I did something which has really screwed up my right middle finger. It hurts a lot, but I do not know how it happened.
- I did not post this on Tuesday: Happy 20th Birthday, Sharon!
- Today: Happy 22nd Birthday, Yuli!
- I finally washed my hair last night, and I feel like the shaggy dog. It has been nearly three months since I had a haircut, and I was going to cut it, but I couldn't find my little, really sharp scissors. Oh well, it's my layers that really need touching up, but I suck at cutting layers sometimes. However, the more I fuck up my hair, the more Marc (my hairstylist) will/can fix it, and the more style I will have for the time being.
- Despite using hair products, which I have DRASTICALLY cut down on, my hair is incredibly soft.
-Wow, my hair smells really good.
-When it's not so curly, as it is now, I realize that I still have pretty light blonde hair, and my hair is kinda close to the color of most of my roots. Oh well, I have had multi-colored hair since I was little.
Okay, off to get dressed and ready for that heinous place called school.
Today's schedule, in case anyone cares:
ACC 312, Managerial Accounting UTC 3.104 8:00 A.M. - 9:15 A.M.
SOC 308 Asian American Studies UTC 4.110 11:00 A.M. - 12:15 P.M.
REE 325 Yiddish Drama and Theatre RAS 215 12:30 - 1:45
At 9:05ish, I will leave ACC and run up to 26th street to try to get a prescription for more Aciphex, so I don't have to die of pain. Then, I will go to the Tower to try to make payment arrangements for the $2100 I owe the University next week. Presentation in SOC 308. Test at Austin Community College in statistics. I need to study for that at some point...damn. Stalk me if you want to; I haven't been stalked in a couple of years, so it's okay...
LAYER ONE:
-- Name: Ashleigh Morgan Paige
-- Birthdate: September 19, 1983
-- Birthplace: Stony Brook. NY
-- Current Location: Austin, TX
-- Eye Color: Dark hazel - take a look. They're always turning green or yellow.
-- Hair Color: Dirty blonde
-- Height: almost 5'7"
-- Righty or Lefty: Lefty
-- Zodiac Sign: Virgo on the Libra cusp
LAYER TWO:
-- Your heritage: Hungarian and Polish? Usually names ending in -sky are Polish or something of the sorts. I'm definitely Hungarian, though.
-- Your weakness: Fear of being alone; falling for men way too quickly.
-- Your fears: So many - being alone, never perfecting minor things. you want to know, you ask me.
-- Your perfect pizza: No cheese, lots of veggies, especially broccoli, spinach, and broccoli rabe, sans olives, though.
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: Fall in love again; have someone else call me a success
LAYER THREE:
-- Your most overused phrase on IM: Okay
-- Your thoughts first waking up: What time is it? Did I sleep through the night or is it just 3 A.M.?
-- Your best physical feature: I love my hair, but guys usually like that I am "busty," to put it plainly.
-- Your bedtime: As early as possible, usually by 11, if that late.
-- Your most missed memory: Feeling happy, protected, and in my niche.
LAYER FOUR:
-- Pepsi or Coke: Neither, I don't drink soda.
-- McDonald's or Burger King: Neither, I don't eat fast food.
-- Single or group dates: It really depends on who you are with, but I've never been on a group date, so I really have no idea.
-- Adidas or Nike: Adidas, but only for soccer, otherwise, it's New Balance.
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Neither
-- Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla
-- Cappuccino or coffee:Blech...drinks from beans. No thank you.
LAYER FIVE:
-- Smoke: Never
-- Curse: All the fucking time. Ha ha.
-- Sing: I haven't really had the strength in the past few weeks, but I used to sing in the car a lot.
-- Take a shower everyday: Yes
-- Have a crush(es): Just Adam, sorry.
-- Do you think you've been in love: I was, definitely once, maybe twice. Arg, I was almost engaged a few times!
-- Want to go to college: More like DYING to be finished!
-- Like(d) high school: Hell no.
-- Want to get married: When I meet someone compatible...
-- Believe in yourself: Not too often
-- Get motion sickness: Not really.
-- Think you're attractive: Not at all, but some people beg to differ, so oh well. I just don't think so.
-- Think you're a health freak: Two words: Organic Vegan
-- Get along with your parents: Too well
-- Play an instrument: Some piano, some recorder, and a whole lot of flute
LAYER SIX:
In the past month...
-- Drank alcohol: Not even half a beer. Yuck.
-- Smoked: Never
-- Done a drug: Never
-- Had Sex: Not until I am married!
-- Made Out: Yes, how I miss it!
-- Gone on a date: Yes, and it was wonderful.
-- Gone to the mall: I am so proud to say no.
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: Never
-- Eaten sushi: Nope, sushi in Texas sucks. Actually, Texas itself sucks.
-- Been on stage: Kind of. Acted, but not on stage.
-- Been dumped: Yes, cry cry, tear, tear.
-- Gone skating: I want to!
-- Made homemade cookies: No.
-- Gone skinny dipping: No.
-- Dyed your hair: No.
-- Stolen anything:No.
LAYER SEVEN:
Ever...
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: Not to my knowledge.
-- If so, was it mixed company: N/A
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Never ever.
-- Been caught "doing something": Nope
-- Been called a tease: Yes, silly old Doug. Oh wait, I have taunted many men.
-- Gotten beaten up: I have never fought a girl, and I have never lost. I'm butch in that way, what can I say?
-- Shoplifted: When I was 2, we were strawberry picking. I was wearing a white shirt that ended up being covered in juice. The man asked me if I ate any berries, and I looked up at him and said no. But you are kind of allowed to eat some when you pick at Battans, so I don't know...
-- Changed who you were to fit in: Not really, I've always just been "me," Ashleigh.
LAYER EIGHT
-- Age you hope to be married: Sometime after school. 27/28?
-- Numbers and Names of Children: Maybe just one child, but definitely Hebrew names.
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: Simple and such. It's just a wedding. Are you really going to wear that $10,000 dress again? I don't think so...
-- How do you want to die: Satisfied, and possibly not a virgin?
-- Where you want to go to college: Somewhere that's NOT Texas.
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: A Toys 'R Us kid...Actually a financial planner. If I go to law school, I'll still be that, it will just all be legally binding.
-- What country would you most like to visit: Russia or the Congo, but the Congo is not safe, probably won't ever be.
LAYER NINE:
In a Girl/Guy....
-- Best eye color? Doesn't matter
-- Best hair color? Doesn't matter
-- Short or long hair: Doesn't matter
-- Best height: Doesn't matter
-- Best weight: Doesn't matter.
-- Best articles of clothing: Doesn't matter
-- Best first date location: I've only been on one, and we attempted to eat, but we went to the movies instead.
-- Best first kiss location: Anywhere, as long as it is enjoyable.
LAYER TEN
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: Zero
-- Number of people i could trust my life with: Eight-ish (including parents)
-- Number of CDs that I own: ? I just know I have 24 Metallica CDs.
-- Number of piercings: 4 in each ear
-- Number of tattoos: Zero
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: Nearly a hundred, I think, especially with bowling scores and Debate results, aside from other sports and just being there.
-- Number of scars on my body: A few hundred, I believe
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: So many, but I do regret an e-mail I sent last Saturday.
Old posts that aren't showing up...
[ Sat Jun 30, 2001 11:45:06 PM | Ashleigh Paige |
Why do I always screw up? And so badly at that?
[ Sat Jun 30, 2001 09:56:39 PM | Ashleigh Paige |
Ok, so I understand that many things are they way they are simply because they are meant to be that way. But does life have to be so incredibly oxymoronic, confusing, and hurtful? So, I am friends with this new guy (he knows who he is). Talk about confusing and oxymoronic. Sometimes, I cannot figure him out. On one hand, he will spill his guts to me, telling me everything there ever was to know about him. Yet, he may not even talk to me or he treats me like dirt at other times. That is ok; that is completely normal. At other moments, it seems as if he wants to "jump my bones." It is as if he likes me so much, wants to get to know me incredibly well; flirtatious does not even begin to describe his manner during these precious moments. However, he denies that he wants anything to do with me. I am not exactly hurt by this; it's just the confusion that it brings about. That is all. And, to top it off, I had such a great time with him tonight, as I always do when I work with him. I actually smile, something I do not do all that often. I even laugh when I am around him. All I really need is a friend.
I wonder sometimes. Ok, so I wonder quite often. But there is nothing wrong with that. It is merely that men are so confusing, so oxymoronic. I don't know what to do most of the time. All I know is that I want a definitive answer.
[ Fri Jun 29, 2001 08:03:24 PM | Ashleigh Paige |
Dead.
Dying.
Bleeding.
Hurting.
Crying.
Lying.
Cheating.
Sighing.
Living. .
Diving.
Imploding.
Exploding.
Dripping.
Dripping.
Exploding.
Imploding.
Diving.
Living.
Sighing.
Cheating.
Lying.
Crying.
Hurting.
Bleeding.
Dying.
Dead.
They are all the same when you are hurt, destroyed, especially when this hurt comes form someone you love. Why are we forced to love when it almost never endures? The reciprocal of love is hurt, and hurt often outshines the love in living. I am hurt. I am bleeding. I am dying. I am crying. I wonder why. I ponder over this situation, and it suddenly hits me in the head - I am a loser. I can deal. But why is it that, when we find someone we love, they are merely out to destroy us? It is a strangely paradoxical world we live in. Soon I will leave, fade away. Maybe someone will miss me, someday.
[ Tue Jun 26, 2001 09:59:53 PM | Ashleigh Paige | edit ]
Ok, so men are crap. That fact has been established many times throughout history. However, sometimes, things deviate from the norm. Right now, my best friend (who lives in New York) wants me to be his girlfriend again, yet he is now being weird. I wanted to see him before I go home, and he tells me that it is not appropriate for me to visit him while he is at work. What kind of BS is that? Then, the guy in Florida that I have been going out wth for nine months is making up all kinds of excuses. If anyone wants me to be their girlfriend, they need to dedicate something to some sort of relationship. This is not a one-sided vocation. And now this guy at work, who is usually the coolest person I have ever conversed with in my life, puts me down sometimes. I asked him a question about why someone else always delves into the subject of my going out with the first co-worker, and the first co-worker tells me it is "not possible" for us to go out. I'm not THAT undesirable. So I'm a freak. I will admit that. But it's the way that everyone else treats me that makes me the way that I am.
[ Tue Jun 26, 2001 08:34:15 PM | Ashleigh Paige |
Fear is no more frightening than fear itself.
That is true.
However, I now feel like an elf.
Stuck inside my own shell, I feel blue.
They left me alone;
Sitting in the corner.
They are up on a throne,
I really am a loner.
I tried so hard.
I always did fail.
Tossed out like an old card,
Discarded, tossed over the rail
Indeed, I died inside.
I thought that I had changed.
I tried,
But I merely became deranged.
And now, here I am,
Again.
Damn,
What if I can?
What if we were all alike?
I wouldn't have to pretend anymore.
I would take a step up to the mike;
I wouldn't be slammed in the door.
Maybe I do know.
I think I can be,
As clean and white as snow.
Yes, I am me.
[ Tue Jun 26, 2001 08:33:43 PM | Ashleigh Paige |
So, here we are.
Standing face to face.
Although the door stands ajar,
We have ended the race.
Trials done;
Loves altered.
Yet, we have had fun.
If only we hadn't faltered.
I miss you my dear.
Through good and bad;
It has been sheer
Bliss, even at times happy and mad.
I loved you more than all,
And love you I still do.
If only that fall
Had not occurred with you.
Then maybe I would be happy,
Not sad.
Things now seem so crappy,
So bleak, so bad.
Today you graduated and left
Behind some glamorous times.
If only my deft
Sense of perception had relieved me of my crimes...
I would not have to endure this hurt.
I would not have to feel this pain.
I would not be missing the time of my life.
I would not be lost in life.
I need you so much.
Please come back.
It is so rough
Without you
Here.
Holding me.
Comforting me.
Loving me.
Without you,
I am no one,
Not even me.
So now here we are.